Ah, the allure of science! The thrill of discovery! The burning desire to recreate that volcano experiment from the baking soda aisle, but with a "slightly" more impressive eruption (read: your neighbor's prized petunia collection). We've all been there. But hold on to your lab coats, science enthusiasts, because some experiments are best left to the professionals. Why? Because unless your idea of a good time involves becoming a human popsicle or achieving spontaneous combustion, it's best to leave the following to the folks with the fume hoods and safety goggles thicker than your grandma's Sunday brunch spread.
1. Testing the Limits of Liquid Nitrogen:
Liquid nitrogen: it boils at a chilly -321°F (-196°C), makes bananas shatter like glass figurines in a heavy metal concert, and can turn rubber balls into bouncy superballs that would make a toddler erupt with glee (and probably launch them into low orbit). It's the ultimate science fair showstopper, right? Wrong!
Sure, it looks cool in those YouTube videos where they dunk stuff and make it shatter with the delicate grace of a bull in a china shop. But liquid nitrogen is a recipe for frostbite faster than you can say "BRRR!" Imagine reaching for that rogue ice cube that escaped your drink only to discover it's the size of a basketball and wants to permanently decorate your fingers with a lovely shade of blue. Not cool, literally. Leave the supercooling to the pros, folks. They have fancy insulated gloves and don't mind looking like they're about to rob a bank in the Arctic. You, on the other hand, might end up looking like a rejected popsicle for next summer's ice cream social.
Sure, it looks cool in those YouTube videos where they dunk bananas and make things shatter, but liquid nitrogen is a recipe for frostbite faster than you can say "BRRR!" Leave the supercooling to the pros, folks. (Source 1)
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2. Do It Yourself High Voltage Electricity:
Remember that scene in Back to the Future where Marty gets juiced by a bolt of lightning and his hair does the funky chicken? Yeah, that wasn't exactly a walk in the park (or a trip to the salon). Electricity is no joke, people. It's the invisible power that makes your toaster sing the song of breakfast and keeps your phone a constant companion (until the battery dies, then it's just a paperweight with a superiority complex). But messing around with high voltage is like trying to play fetch with a grizzly bear – it might seem like fun until you're reminded that bears have very sharp claws and a serious dislike for frisbees (and curious humans).
Unless you're aiming to recreate a bad hair day on an epic scale (and trust us, there are far better ways to achieve that – a perm gone wrong, anyone?), leave the high voltage experiments to the qualified electricians. They have the training, the tools, and the common sense to avoid becoming human conductors (although their fashion choices might leave something to be desired).
Electricity is no joke, people. Unless you're aiming to recreate a bad hair day on an epic scale, leave the high voltage experiments to the qualified electricians (or maybe a hair stylist?). (Source 2)
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3. Alchemy for Beginners:
Ah, alchemy. The ancient quest to turn lead into gold, the elixir of life, and the ability to spontaneously sprout wings and fly (because who wouldn't want that?). It sounds like something straight out of a Harry Potter novel, right? Well, the reality is a bit less magical and a lot messier.
Look, there's a reason why turning lead into gold remains in the realm of fantasy. Sure, you might accidentally invent a new shade of glitter (think "toxic pea soup" if your chemistry skills are a bit rusty) in the process, but it probably won't pay the bills. Save the alchemy for your Dungeons & Dragons sessions, where your only risk is accidentally rolling a critical fail and having your character fall face-first into a vat of slime (which, let's face it, is still preferable to a real-life vat of toxic goo).
(Source 3)
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4. Building Your Own Rocket (In Your Backyard):
We all dream of blasting off to space like Buzz Aldrin, exploring the cosmos, and maybe even discovering a new planet populated entirely of sentient cheese (because who wouldn't want to live on a planet made of cheese?). Unfortunately, your backyard just isn't equipped for a launchpad. Think about it: rogue lawn gnomes become unexpected projectiles, your cat develops a sudden and unhealthy interest in chewing on exposed wires, and let's not even get started on the potential for a major property damage lawsuit from your neighbor when your "
While we all dream of blasting off to space like Buzz Aldrin, your backyard just isn't equipped for a launchpad. Unless you want to impress the local fire department (in a way that won't involve a celebratory parade), leave the rocket science to the professionals at NASA. (Source 4)
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5. Brewing Up a Batch of Botulism (Just Kidding...Please Don't): There's a reason why scientists have entire labs dedicated to microbiology. Improvised concoctions in the kitchen are a recipe for disaster (and a very unpleasant visit to the emergency room). Stick to baking cookies, not biohazards. There's also another reason why scientists have entire labs dedicated to microbiology, with fancy equipment that looks like it came straight out of a sci-fi movie (minus the mad scientist cackling maniacally, hopefully). Improvised concoctions in the kitchen are a recipe for disaster (and a very unpleasant visit to the emergency room that will have the attending physician wondering what exactly you were trying to achieve). Imagine your attempt at gourmet cheese curdling into a biohazard and your guests developing a sudden aversion to brie (not to mention a healthy dose of nausea).
Stick to baking cookies, folks. At least the worst that can happen is a burnt batch (which, let's be honest, can still be salvaged with a generous amount of frosting and a sprinkle of denial). Leave the botulism research to the professionals – they wear hazmat suits for a reason, and it's not just to look like they're about to fight a horde of zombies. (Source 5)
© Reason Magazine
6. Deep Sea Diving in Your Bathtub (Again, Please Don't): The ocean depths are a whole other world, teeming with fascinating creatures – and enough pressure to turn you into a living submarine sandwich. Unless you have a serious case of the bends for fun, leave the deep dives to the Jacques Cousteau wannabes with fancy submersibles. It's a place of mystery, beauty, and enough pressure to turn you into a living submarine sandwich (not the delicious kind you get at the deli).
Unless you have a serious case of the bends for fun (hint: it's not) and enjoy feeling like a crumpled soda can, leave the deep dives to the Jacques Cousteau wannabes with fancy submersibles. They have the training, the equipment, and most importantly, the knowledge of what happens when the human body encounters the crushing pressure of the deep sea (spoiler alert: it's not pretty). Besides, wouldn't you rather marvel at the wonders of the ocean from a safe distance, without the risk of becoming an unwelcome guest at a deep-sea rave?(Source 6)
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7. Playing with Radioactive Materials: Let's face it, glow-in-the-dark stickers are cool enough. There's no need to mess around with radioactive isotopes unless you're aiming to become a superhero with a very short lifespan (and a concerning tendency to glow ominously in the dark). Ah, radiation. The invisible force that can power your smoke detector and give you a sunburn on a cloudy day (thanks, UV rays!). It's also the stuff that makes those cool glowing keychains light up at night, tempting you to believe that maybe, just maybe, a little bit of radiation wouldn't hurt. Wrong.
Let's face it, glow-in-the-dark stickers are cool enough. There's no need to mess around with radioactive isotopes unless you're aiming to become a superhero with a very short lifespan (and a concerning tendency to glow ominously in the dark, which might make it difficult to land a decent sidekick). Besides, the only superpower you'll likely develop is the ability to glow in the presence of Geiger counters, which isn't exactly something you want to brag about at parties. Leave the radioactive materials to the scientists in hazmat suits – they're the ones qualified to handle the glowing stuff without turning into a human nightlight. (Source 7)
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8. Creating Your Own Mini Black Hole (Because Why Not?): Black holes are fascinating, but they also have the unfortunate habit of devouring everything around them, including planets, stars, and possibly your house. So, unless you have a spare planet lying around, maybe skip this experiment altogether. Black holes: the cosmic vacuum cleaners that gobble up everything in their path, from stars to planets to your dreams of a perfect cup of coffee (because seriously, nothing escapes a black hole). They're fascinating, mysterious, and about as likely to appear in your basement as a colony of polka-dotted penguins (although that would be pretty cool, let's be honest).
The truth is, creating your own mini black hole in your garage is about as likely as winning the lottery while simultaneously being struck by lightning (and even then, the black hole would probably win). Black holes are the result of massive stellar collapse, not a science experiment gone awry. Unless you have a spare planet lying around (and let's face it, who does?), maybe skip this experiment altogether. There are plenty of other ways to explore the wonders of the universe without accidentally sucking your house into a miniature singularity. (Source 8)
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9. DIY Gene Editing (For Fun and Profit!): While the potential of gene editing is undeniable, it's also a complex field with serious ethical considerations. Think about it – glowing houseplants are cool, but accidentally creating a race of polka-dotted poodles might be a bit much. Ah, gene editing – the new frontier of science! It holds the potential to cure diseases, create super-resistant crops, and maybe even make your pet goldfish glow in the dark (although, for the goldfish's sake, let's hope that remains in the realm of science fiction). But while the potential of gene editing is undeniable, it's also a complex field with serious ethical considerations. Think about it – glowing houseplants are cool, but accidentally creating a race of poodles with an insatiable appetite for chocolate chip cookies might be a bit much (and a disaster for your local bakery).
Gene editing is like playing with the building blocks of life, the very instructions that make us who we are. Messing around with those instructions without proper knowledge and training is like trying to rewire your house's electrical system with a pair of rusty pliers and a YouTube tutorial (spoiler alert: it won't end well). Leave the gene editing to the professionals in their fancy labs. They have the training, the equipment, and the moral compass to ensure they're not accidentally creating a new breed of hyper-intelligent squirrels who decide to take over the world (because let's face it, squirrels are already pretty resourceful). (Source 9)
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10. Taming a Live Volcano (Because You're Feeling Spicy): Volcanoes are nature's fiery tantrums, and getting close enough to "tame" one is a surefire way to become a permanent resident of the molten lava flow. Enjoy documentaries about volcanoes from a safe distance – your future self will thank you. Volcanoes: nature's fiery tantrums, spewing molten lava, ash, and the occasional rogue toaster that somehow got caught in the eruption (don't ask, it happens). They're awe-inspiring, destructive, and about as likely to be tamed as your teenage nephew's obsession with that new video game (good luck with that, by the way).
Getting close enough to "tame" a volcano is a surefire way to become a permanent resident of the molten lava flow, and not in the way you envisioned for your next vacation. Imagine the disappointment of booking a luxurious hotel room with a volcano view, only to end up becoming part of the view yourself (not exactly a five-star experience). Enjoy documentaries about volcanoes from a safe distance – your future self will thank you. Besides, wouldn't you rather marvel at the fiery spectacle from afar, with a safe distance between you and the molten rock? Think of it as a win-win: you get the excitement, and you get to keep all your limbs (a definite plus). (Source 10)
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11. Swimming with Great White Sharks (For the Gram): Sure, great white sharks are majestic creatures, but they also have a taste for seal (and maybe the occasional curious scientist). There are plenty of ways to appreciate these amazing animals without becoming their lunch. Great white sharks: the apex predators of the ocean, graceful hunters with a taste for seals (and maybe the occasional overly enthusiastic marine biologist). They're undeniably magnificent creatures, a living testament to evolution's power. But swimming with them is about as wise as trying to share your french fries with a particularly hangry pigeon (trust us, the pigeon won't be happy).
Sure, the internet might love a good "swimming with sharks" selfie, but the potential consequences are a bit more serious than a few negative comments. Imagine the caption: "Just hanging out with my new best friend, Bruce!" followed by an eerie silence. Not exactly the kind of viral content you're aiming for. There are plenty of ways to appreciate these amazing animals without becoming their lunch (or worse, their afternoon snack). Documentaries are great, underwater cages are even better, and staying safely on land is the ultimate act of self-preservation. (Source 11)
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12. Extracting Sunshine from a Black Hole (Just Because): Look, science is awesome, but some things just defy the laws of physics (at least for now). Extracting sunshine from a black hole falls under that category. Maybe invent a super-powered flashlight instead? Think about it: trying to get sunshine out of a cosmic vacuum cleaner is like trying to squeeze water out of a rock (or, more accurately, trying to get a cat to do anything you want it to).
Black holes are the ultimate cosmic mysteries, with gravity so strong that not even light can escape their grasp (hence the whole "black" hole thing). So, the idea of extracting sunshine from one is about as likely as convincing your pet goldfish to win a spelling bee (although that would be an impressive feat for a goldfish). Maybe invent a super-powered flashlight instead? It might not be as glamorous as harnessing the power of a black hole, but it'll definitely be more practical (and less likely to violate the laws of physics. (Source 12)
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13. Building a Time Machine out of a DeLorean (...Hold on a second. While the whole time-traveling-in-a-sports-car concept is undeniably cool (looking at you, Doc Brown!), tinkering with the space-time continuum in your garage is a recipe for a paradox-ical disaster. You might end up stuck in the Cretaceous period fending off velociraptors with a spatula, or worse, create a future where your favorite brand of chips never existed (the horror!). Think about it: you accidentally travel back in time and step on a butterfly. Poof! The timeline unravels, your entire existence ceases to be, and suddenly Biff is the ruler of the dystopian future he always dreamed of (because let's face it, that wouldn't be good for anyone). You might end up stuck in the Cretaceous period fending off velociraptors with a spatula, or worse, create a future where your favorite brand of chips never existed (the horror!).
Leave the time travel to the theoretical physicists and science fiction writers. They're the ones grappling with the mind-bending complexities of wormholes, string theory, and the grandfather paradox (which basically boils down to this: if you go back in time and kill your own grandfather, how can you possibly exist to travel back in time in the first place? Your brain hurts yet?). There are plenty of ways to explore history without becoming a walking paradox. Documentaries, historical reenactments, even a really good book on the subject – the possibilities are endless (and far less likely to result in the complete collapse of reality as we know it). (Source 13)
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14. Debating String Theory with Stephen Hawking (From Beyond the Grave): Listen, the late Stephen Hawking was a brilliant physicist, but even geniuses need a break. Unless you have a Ph.D. in theoretical physics and a time machine (see point 13), it's best to leave the string theory debates to the experts (or perhaps conduct them via respectful online forums – ghosts can have internet access too, right?). Stephen Hawking. A brilliant physicist, a pioneer in the field of cosmology, and the man who brought us the concept of black holes radiating Hawking radiation (which, let's be honest, sounds way cooler than regular radiation). But even geniuses need a break, especially when it comes to complex theories like string theory.
Imagine this: you, armed with your internet research and newfound fascination with vibrating strings, attempt to engage the late Professor Hawking in a debate about the nature of the universe. The silence would likely be deafening (and a little awkward). String theory is a fascinating concept, one that proposes the universe is made up of tiny, vibrating strings instead of the fundamental particles we currently know. But it's also highly theoretical and requires a deep understanding of advanced mathematics and physics.
Unless you have a Ph.D. in theoretical physics and a time machine (see point 13), it's best to leave the string theory debates to the experts. There are plenty of online forums and resources where you can learn more about the theory and even engage with other curious minds. Who knows, maybe you'll be the one to crack the code and revolutionize our understanding of the universe (but probably not. Baby steps are good too). (Source 14)
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15. Teaching a T-Rex How to Play Fetch (Because Why Not?): T-Rexes were magnificent predators, but fetch probably wasn't on their prehistoric to-do list. Unless you have a serious hankering to become a chew toy, admire these amazing creatures from a safe distance (and maybe stick to playing fetch with your dog). (Tyrannosaurus Rex: the king of the Cretaceous period, a fearsome predator with a bite force strong enough to crush a car (not that there were any cars around back then, but you get the idea). They were magnificent creatures, perfectly adapted for hunting and dominating their ecosystem. But teaching one to play fetch? That's about as likely as convincing your cat to share its food (and trust us, you don't want to see a hangry T-Rex).
Imagine the scene: you throw a giant stick, expecting your newfound reptilian friend to chase after it like a playful Labrador. Instead, you're met with a blank stare and a deafening roar that could shatter eardrums and level small buildings (not exactly the enthusiastic response you were hoping for). T-Rexes were apex predators, not domesticated companions. Their entire existence revolved around hunting, eating, and maybe napping in the sun (because even dinosaurs need to relax sometimes).
Leave the fetch-playing to your dog. They're much more enthusiastic about retrieving sticks (and way less likely to eat you if you accidentally throw it the wrong way). Besides, wouldn't you rather marvel at the majestic T-Rex from a safe distance, appreciating its power and ferocity in its natural habitat (or at least a museum exhibit)? (Source 15)
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So there you have it, science enthusiasts! There's a whole world of wonder to explore, but some experiments are best left to the professionals. Remember, curiosity is a great thing, but a healthy dose of caution can save you from becoming a cautionary tale yourself. Now go forth, explore the wonders of science (safely!), and maybe leave the time-traveling DeLorean to the movies. There are plenty of amazing discoveries waiting to be made right here in our own time – discoveries that don't involve becoming a human popsicle.
Sources
Source 1: Liquid Nitrogen Safety: [https://www.vanderbilt.edu/vinse/facilities/safety_data_sheets/Nitrogen_refrigerated_liquid_LN2.pdf](https://www.vanderbilt.edu/vinse/facilities/safety_data_sheets/Nitrogen_refrigerated_liquid_LN2.pdf) (Warning: Liquid nitrogen can cause severe frostbite and other injuries.)
Source 2: Electrical Safety for Kids: [https://www.nsc.org/getmedia/655274bc-958a-439c-8aae-152a10a4c4a4/shock-english.pdf.aspx](https://www.nsc.org/getmedia/655274bc-958a-439c-8aae-152a10a4c4a4/shock-english.pdf.aspx) (Warning: Electricity is extremely dangerous. Only qualified electricians should work with high voltage systems.)
Source 3: The History of Alchemy: [https://www.britannica.com/summary/alchemy](https://www.britannica.com/summary/alchemy) (Note: Alchemy is a historical pursuit, not a practical scientific endeavor.)
Source 4: NASA's Launch Schedule: [https://www.nasa.gov/events/](https://www.nasa.gov/events/) (Note: Launching rockets is a complex and highly regulated activity.)
Source 5: Food Safety and Botulism: [https://www.cdc.gov/botulism/health-professional.html](https://www.cdc.gov/botulism/health-professional.html) (Warning: Botulism is a serious illness caused by improperly handled food. Always follow safe food handling practices.)
Source 6: The Pressure of the Deep Ocean: [https://oceanservice.noaa.gov/facts/pressure.html](https://oceanservice.noaa.gov/facts/pressure.html) (Warning: Deep sea diving requires specialized training and equipment.)
Source 7: Radiation Safety: [https://www.nrc.gov/about-nrc/radiation/rad-health-effects.html](https://www.nrc.gov/about-nrc/radiation/rad-health-effects.html) (Warning: Radiation exposure can be dangerous. Only trained professionals should handle radioactive materials.)
Source 8: Black Holes Explained by NASA: [https://spaceplace.nasa.gov/menu/black-holes/](https://spaceplace.nasa.gov/menu/black-holes/) (Note: Black holes are incredibly powerful and cannot be created in a lab setting.)
Source 9: Gene Editing and Ethics: [https://nap.nationalacademies.org/](https://nap.nationalacademies.org/) (Note: Gene editing is a complex field with ethical considerations.)
Source 10: Volcano Hazards: [https://www.usgs.gov/vhp](https://www.usgs.gov/vhp) (Warning: Volcanoes are dangerous natural phenomena. Stay informed about volcanic activity in your area.)
Source 11: Great White Shark Safety: [https://www.forbes.com/sites/melissacristinamarquez/2023/01/18/boy-reels-in-great-white-catch-in-florida/](https://www.forbes.com/sites/melissacristinamarquez/2023/01/18/boy-reels-in-great-white-catch-in-florida/) (Warning: Great white sharks are wild animals. Observe them from a safe distance.)
Source 12: The Laws of Physics: [https://www.khanacademy.org/science/physics](https://www.khanacademy.org/science/physics) (Note: Extracting sunshine from a black hole violates the known laws of physics.)
Source 13: Black Hole Information Paradox:
(https://www.astronomytrek.com/5-bizarre-paradoxes-of-time-travel-explained/)
(Note: Time travel and the manipulation of the space-time continuum are highly theoretical concepts.)
Source 14: Stephen Hawking's Work on String Theory: [https://www.maths.cam.ac.uk/features/stephen-hawking-memories-life-damtp](https://www.maths.cam.ac.uk/features/stephen-hawking-memories-life-damtp) (Note: String theory is a complex area of theoretical physics.)
Source 15: T-Rex Anatomy: [https://naturalhistory.si.edu/education/teaching-resources/paleontology/new-view-t-rex](https://naturalhistory.si.edu/education/teaching-resources/paleontology/new-view-t-rex) (Note: T-Rexes were apex predators and not domesticated animals.)
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Be the first to ask a question I'd be happy to see someone comment on this just for a start.
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